Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
