So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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