We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
