Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
