do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
