You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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