You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
