how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
