So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
