I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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