Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
