Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
