I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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