Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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