Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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