one two three fourrrrnication!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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