if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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