Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
