You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
