When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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