I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
