I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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