wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dignity is for republicans.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
