she woke up with a sticky ear
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
