we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
