I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
