he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
