we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
