I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
