i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
