If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Terrible idea I love it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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