just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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