this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
