I wish I could teleport
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
