My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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