Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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