I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
