There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
