Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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