The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
