We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
