its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can't just leave with hair like that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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