MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
