So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
