I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize