Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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