I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
