SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
