her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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