Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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